How to keep a healthy level of insanity
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair
dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write “For sexual favors.”
7. Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy.”
8. Don’t use any punctuation marks.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify at the drive-through that you order is “to go.”
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle
sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends that you cannot attend their
party because you’re not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard
Kim.
17. When money comes out of the ATM scream, “I won! I won! Third time
this week!!!”
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
yelling, “run for your lives, they’re loose!!!”
19. Tell your children over dinner, “due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go.”
