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:drive:
My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange?" I said: "no it doesn't."
A woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit and, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar she asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
The bar went silent as patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, “Give the ballerina a drink!”
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, “Give the ballerina another drink!”
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, “Tell me, Paddy, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?”
The drunk replied, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”
^ :clap:
"If you want it to rain, just wash your car."
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
https://s14-eu5.ixquick.com/cgi-bin/...50a3eae591328d
MX-5 to the Rescue: http://jalopnik.com/here-are-the-awf...you-1795654319
MX-5 To The Rescue (MPA)
A blessing in disguise, perhaps
2013. A 2006 MX-5 Grand Touring.
A few months earlier, I’d bought a new Honda Fit with the idea of saving $ for a house with my then GF.
After 4 months of that slow car, that even with my foot to the floor driving style, still got 34mpg, I traded it in on the ‘06 MX-5 GT.
My girlfriend lost her shit because buying a 2 seater meant my priorities were “all fucked up” because she had kids. Meanwhile when I had the Fit, we never took my car if her kids were coming along.
It ruined the relationship, and after that I got rid of the car because it borought nothing but bad thoughts/memories.
Looking back, buying that MX-5 was the best thing I ever did - I dodged a huge fucking bullet, and ended up much happier in the end, meeting my wife 6 months after the MX-5 saved me from unhappiness :)
.
Today, everyone is a winner. The mugger received a 9mm participation trophy delivered at 1300 fps.
I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
https://s15-us2.ixquick.com/cgi-bin/...ticache=850691
It's shift work.
Interesting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjnQKXNPsk4
A somewhat modified 1971 Honda 600 Z coupe.
https://scontent-dft4-2.xx.fbcdn.net...79&oe=5A13F918
Today's headlines:
CNN: Shaun White gets redemption; wins gold
MSNBC: Shaun White wins gold again!
Fox News: OMG Shaun White hates America: drags flag on ground after win
^ Wow....that is going back aways.
Good ol' PMS!
Don't know the guy on the far left or far right. Far right looks familiar....I think.
What is wrinkled and smells like ginger?
Fred Astaire's face!
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.
We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice