Secret Family Recipe for Holiday Treats

[Nails]

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila


Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,
check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl.


Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point
it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another
cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner.


If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry
it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.



Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves
a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts...

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.


Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas !

[Titus]

This is a copy of an old Christmas Radio bit by Bill Moen. Bill was the morning man for KABL in San Francisco for 40 years. When they changed formats in the early 90's, he retired to a house on the same lake my parents live on. I was working at the local small town radio station at the time, and the owner convinced him to do a 2 hour show once a week on our station in exchange for free golf memberships at the local golf clubs, and a few other perks. I had the honor of producing the show for about 6 months. He would do the recipe (and several other bits) as part of his Christmas show each year.

Here is a recording of him reading the recipe.

[Radio-Active]

Both of these are Hilarious!