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Thread: Bad JOTD

  1. #1

    Default Bad JOTD

    Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God
    was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded
    Patriots flag in the window. "Tom this house is yours for eternity,"
    said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."

    Tom felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the
    porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story
    mansion with a blue and white sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an
    enormous Colts logo flag, and in every window, an Indianapolis Colts
    towel.

    Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I
    have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I
    even went to the Hall of Fame."

    God said "So what's your point, Tom?"

    "Well, why does Peyton Manning get a better house than me?"

    God chuckled, and said "Tom, that's not Peyton's house, it's mine."

  2. #2

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    Aahahahaha

    09 Lexus RX350
    .... no Miata

  3. #3

  4. #4
    Bad Moderator Donut Dave04's Avatar
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    The World’s Shortest Psychiatric Joke

    A man walks into a psychiatrist' s office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."
    --
    Dave
    "Opinions are like ..."

  5. #5

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    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM" He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

    S.

  6. #6

    Default

    A man walked into a bar... it really hurt.
    Black 2002 Honda S2000
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  7. #7

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    2 guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have ducked...






    A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a burglar, and a black guy all walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"
    09 Lexus RX350
    .... no Miata

  8. #8

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    So none of you bastards have heard the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods???
    Maybe 4 wheels aren't so bad after all... wickett.org
    It only goes to show when people can no longer discriminate on the grounds of race, religion, or sexual orientation, they can improvise and still find someone to hate. - Dave Moulton

  9. #9

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    And since we're being bad anyway...
    Maybe 4 wheels aren't so bad after all... wickett.org
    It only goes to show when people can no longer discriminate on the grounds of race, religion, or sexual orientation, they can improvise and still find someone to hate. - Dave Moulton

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by tailchaser View Post
    So none of you bastards have heard the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods???


    I did but I was leaving that one alone
    2005 Lava Orange MSM #601/1428
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  11. #11

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    What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?










    wiped his butt
    09 Lexus RX350
    .... no Miata

  12. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by MadMonkey View Post
    wiped his butt


    S.

  13. #13

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    Two cannibals were eating supper. One turned to the other and said "I hate my mother-in-law". The other said "Well, try the potatoes!"

    09 Lexus RX350
    .... no Miata

  14. #14

  15. #15
    Orange cones fear me. cone-cerned's Avatar
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    Two guys are sitting in a bar the other night and they were complaining about the price of beer. One of them says, "I know of a bar in this town where all the drinks are free and you can get laid every night!"

    The other guy says, "Where?"

    The first guy says "I don't know, my wife won't tell me!"
    On the track, I am fearless.
    If you were as slow as me, you wouldn't be afraid either.

    1994 M Edition
    CSP 67

  16. #16

    Default

    A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this of greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

    "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

    "What kind of nasty disease do you think I’d get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

    The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
    Daily Driver: 2013 Club edition in Pearl White Mica

    Lightness? What's that? I drive a PRHT!

  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by channelmaniac View Post
    A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this of greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

    "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

    "What kind of nasty disease do you think I’d get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

    The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
    That's great!
    90 MX5 281k miles! - euro spec, Porsche Riviera Blue w/black hardtop, 97 motor swap, vintage Borbet rims, GC, FM shock hats/frame rails/rear sub-brace, AGX, sway bar, stb, Fidanza/ACT combo, EBC Yellows

    92 COMMA SM - new paint coming soon...

  18. #18
    Obnoxious at any speed altiain's Avatar
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    A man's doctor tells him he has six months to live.

    Shocked, he asks if there is anything he can do to prolong the time he has left.

    The doctor thinks a moment, then says "Yes. Stop smoking and drinking. Stop eating rich foods. Stop sleeping with women."

    "Will that help me live longer?" he asks.

    "No," replies the doctor, "But the time you have left will feel like an eternity."
    Iain

    "We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw

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