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Thread: 10 Best Tools of All Time

  1. #1
    Obnoxious at any speed altiain's Avatar
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    Default 10 Best Tools of All Time

    Forget the Snap-On Tools truck; its never been there when you need it.
    Besides there are only 10 things in this world you need to fix any car, any
    place, any time.

    1. Duct Tape - Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and
    plastic. It's safety wire, body material, radiator hose, upholstery, insulation, tow rope, and more - in an easy to carry package. Sure, there's
    prejudice surrounding duct tape in concours competitions, but in the real
    world, everything from LeMans-winning Porsches to Atlas rockets use it by
    the yard. The only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a cell phone.

    2. Vise-Grips locking pliers - Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling wire twister, breaker-off of frozen bolts and wiggle-it-till-it-falls-off tool. The heavy artillery of your tool box, locking pliers are the only tool designed expressly to fix things screwed up beyond repair.

    3. Spray Lubricants - A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternator, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm, repeated soakings will allow the main hull bolts of the Andrea Doria to be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous Little Red Tube that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross eyed (one of the 10 worst tools of all time).

    4. Margarine Tubs with Clear Lids - If you spend all your time under the hood looking for a frendle pin that careened off the pertal valve when you knocked both off the air cleaner, it's because you eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of tasteless vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the empty tubs for parts containers afterward. (Some of course chuck the butter-colored goo altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.) Unlike air cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle Pins.

    5. Big Rock at the Side of the Road - Block up a tire. Smack corroded battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop noisy know-it-all types on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that packs the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is the only tool with which a "Made in Malaysia" emblem is not synonymous with the user's maiming.

    6. Plastic Zip Ties - After 20 years of lashing down stray hose and wiring with old bread ties, some genius brought a slightly slicked-up version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties can transform a hulking mass of amateur- quality wiring from a working model of the Brazilian Rain Forest into something remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course it works both ways. When buying a used car, subtract $100 for each zip tie under the hood.

    7. Ridiculously Large Craftsman Screwdriver - Let's admit it. There's
    nothing better for prying, chiseling, lifting, breaking, splitting or mutilating than a huge flatbladed screwdriver, particularly when wielded with gusto and a big hammer. This is also the tool of choice for all filters so insanely located that they can only be removed by driving a stake in one side and out the other. If you break the screwdriver--and you will just like Dad and your shop teacher said--who cares, it has a lifetime guarantee.

    8. Bailing Wire - Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, bailing wire holds anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it's not
    recommended for concours contenders, since it works so well you'll never
    need to replace it with the right thing again. Bailing wire is a sentimental
    favorite in some circles, particularly with the MG, Triumph, and flathead
    Ford set.

    9. Bonking Stick - This monstrous tuning fork with devilish pointy ends is technically known as a tie-rod separator, but how often do you separate tie-rod ends? Once every decade if you're lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is the all-purpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick. (Can also be use to separate tie-rod ends in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it).

    10. Cell Phone - What else are you going to use for calling your buddies when you've gotten yourself in over your head, and can no longer rely on a ridiculously large Craftsman screwdriver or plastic zip ties to bail you out? Exactly.
    Iain

    "We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw

  2. #2
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    Default Re: 10 Best Tools of All Time

    AMEN!! reverend.


    Rory

  3. #3

    Default

    gear wrenches!

    and one mustn't forget the BFH.
    1984 GSL-SE - Its ALIVE!
    1989 Suburban 4x4 - 4" Pro-Comp Lift 33" BFGs etc... DRUNK TANK!
    2002 Protege5 - Lucky the drunk wagon SOLD
    '04 MazdaSpeed Mx-5 Wheeee! Turbos are fun
    How can I be so thirsty this morning, When I drank so much last night??

  4. #4

    Default

    I actually supervise 30 maintenance personnel at a food plant. This will get printed out and posted in the shop. It's so funny, yet so true......

    You ought to see what happens at midnight on Sunday night when things break, there are no parts stores open, no service reps to call, no Snap On truck, and Wal Mart needs their order shipped Monday morning first thing.
    AnthonyS
    former owner of 4 NA Miatas
    94 Laguna Blue awaiting Ford 5.0 transplant
    Also have a 91 ZR-1 and 00 996 (911).

  5. #5
    MME Goodwill Ambassador onething's Avatar
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    Default Re: 10 Best Tools of All Time

    Quote Originally Posted by altiain
    Forget the Snap-On Tools truck...
    3. Spray Lubricants - A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternator, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm, repeated soakings will allow the main hull bolts of the Andrea Doria to be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous Little Red Tube that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross eyed (one of the 10 worst tools of all time).
    I actually saw a can of WD40 at the last AX that had a harness to hold the tube in place. Looked like a 4" dia O-ring with a tiny loop molded into it that slipped over the LRT!!!
    Bidden or not bidden, God is present
    "Up until the moment of impact, I was still having fun." Bob J. Hall San Francisco Region



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