Jotd

Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the parkway when she tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to her, 3 kids who were fishing pulled her out of the water. She was so grateful she offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland". Hillary said, "No problem, I'll take you there on my special Senator's airplane."
The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordans". Hillary said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!"

Hillary was a little perplexed by this and said, "But you don't look like you are handicapped".
The kid said, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning."

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me." So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing funeral home on Tuesday the 4th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service.

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the very beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, he's been out of work for the past three years and has not looked for a new Job since. All he does is smoke cigars, and cruise around with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college, he does not even pretend to like me...and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do..?

Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless,

Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore... You're a United States Senator from New York, act like one.