1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an
asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.::BaHump::
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,> shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person
who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got
extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending
off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a
serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through
the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding
half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning
submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common
words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much
weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4 esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a
nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone
who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline..
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the
soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts
worn by Jewish
men.
