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Rumsfeld is giving Bush his daily briefing. He concludes,
"Yesterday, three Brazillian soldiers were killed in Iraq."
"On, no!" Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!"
For a long time, Bush sits, head in hands. Finally, he asks,
"How many is a brazillion?"
That was the joke of 9/26... This is the joke of the day...
St. Louis Park, MN - Local police reported that some individual attempted to "egg" Mike Tice's house last night.
An empty egg carton was recovered at the scene. Two eggs hit Mr. Tice's house, 3 eggs went over his house and hit his neighbor's back door, 2 eggs hit the houses of each of his next door neighbors, and the remaining 3 eggs were found broken on the ground near the carton from where the individual threw them.
Detective Charles Aikins stated "Looking at what was hit, we are considering Daunte Culpepper as the primary suspect."
Yes... very nice!
Those are both funny... but the first one is f'ing hilarious. :lol:
And another joke of the day...
"A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change. =20
This becomes routine until, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. =20
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first was that if I ever had to p ay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
and another....
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that's wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"
The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife, and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later, jumps into bed, and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Wow! That was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I'll be right back." He returns to the bathroom and then goes back to the bedroom, and round two is even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back into the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing in front of the mirror, saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife."
His funeral services will be held on Monday.
The ostrich joke is a riot!
yeah- the ostrich one was great LOL:clap:
So, the guy moves and wants to find a new church. He goes to the nearest church and talks to the minister. The minister says he has to answer one question before he will be allowed to join: Where was Jesus born?
The guy guesses "Longview?" and the minister tells him he's sorry, but he's failed.
The guy goes to another church - same deal, same question. His second try was, "Tyler?" Failed again.
The guy goes to a third church, and the minister says, "We'd love to have you join our church! You are always welcome here."
The guy asks, "There's no test?"
Minister says "None."
Guys says, "Can I ask you a question then? Where was Jesus born?"
The minister says, "Palestine. Why?"
Guys says, "Man, I knew it was somewhere in East Texas!"
And why would it have been anywhere else?Quote:
Originally Posted by onething