History

[tailchaser]

History began some 12,000 years ago.

Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast & live on fish & lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as “the Conservative movement.” Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s & doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as ‘girliemen.’

Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern Liberals like Mexican light beer (with lime added), but most prefer a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc, with passion fruit and kiwi aromas marked by grassy notes, then rounded out on the midpalate by peach flavors. Crisp and refreshing, with a hint of chalky minerality on the finish; or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t “fair” to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager. They eat red meat & still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to “govern” the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history.

[MadMerv]

I like my 's.................

....and.....

my girly cars!

[Majik]

words.

You know the guy in charge doesnt like political stuff right?

[cam76034]

"Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager."

What? Sam Adams tastes like crap, and I've never heard of the other brands. Unless Yuenling is chinese for Budweiser.

[tailchaser]

You know the guy in charge doesnt like political stuff right?

Meh... He let that other guy get away with calling him an asshole...

[trickyrix]

"Conservatives drink Sam Adams, Harpoon IPA or Yuengling Lager."

What? Sam Adams tastes like crap, and I've never heard of the other brands. Unless Yuenling is chinese for Budweiser.

Yuengling Lager sounds like something that would please one's lady friend...

[cam76034]

Yuengling Lager sounds like something that would please one's lady friend...

HOW TO IMPRESS CHICKS 101 - MWF 1000-1100 Professor Trickyrix

[matt586]

Yuengling lager is not Chinese, its actually a German descended brewery and is Americas oldest brewery. http://www.yuengling.com/, ironically there was show on the history channel yesterday about Brewing and specifically Youngling. I will have to drop by my favorite beer store now and see if they have some now. oh and real men don't drink anything with the word light in the title.

[trickyrix]

I like my 's.................

I think I saw your cat... he looked chilly, the poor thing!

[trickyrix]

HOW TO IMPRESS CHICKS 101 - MWF 1000-1100 Professor Trickyrix

...cocktails immediately following class...

[channelmaniac]

Try a sanity check...

http://www.wqad.com/Global/link.asp?L=259460

See who fits your way of thinking...

TC started the politics! I'm just having fun with it.

[MadMerv]

I think I saw your cat... he looked chilly, the poor thing!

Can't be mine. They have no :balls:

[Dave04]

What? Sam Adams tastes like crap....

You're just drinking the wrong Sam Adams... stay away from the Boston Lager... Their Pale Ale is great... and if memory serves... the Black Lager is pretty good.

[trickyrix]

[cam76034]

So Schlitz pioneered the brown beer bottle? Learn something everyday here.

[trickyrix]

See? We don't just screw around and sling arrows at one another around here...