2006 Darwin Award Winners

[MiataMike]

2006 Darwin Awards
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious Winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim During
a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot Did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel And tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting Machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
Expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was Approved

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car During a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman Had
taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
Found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his Incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone Waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the Mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 Days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the Injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
Counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, The man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which The clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and Fled, leaving the $20 bill ont he counter. The total amount of cash he Got from the drawer: $15 (If someonepoints a gun at you and gives you Money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that He'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some Booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
Grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the Woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher They put him in the Car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied "Yes, Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
Demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't Open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion Rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, Frustrated, walked away.

*****A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on A Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying To steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's Sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press Charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[Nexus Flux]

Just when you thought you've seen it all, there comes along another .

[Titus]

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
Found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his Incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone Waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the Mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 Days.

Darwin award? Hell, I'd like to shake is hand!

[HudsonHawk]

#10 has been running around in various forms for several years.

[Magma]

I always love these

[Radio-Active]

#10 has been running around in various forms for several years.

Agreed, I heard that line 12 years ago in Albany, Georgia. Probably from someone that heard Jeff Foxworthy tell it before he got really popular.

[MadMonkey]

Agreed, I heard that line 12 years ago in Albany, Georgia. Probably from someone that heard Jeff Foxworthy tell it before he got really popular.

Jeff Foxworthy wasn't popular at one point??

[Ataim]

Jeff Foxworthy wasn't popular at one point??

Who?

[Monkey of Death]

Darwin award? Hell, I'd like to shake is hand!

Yeah, #4 actually sounded pretty clever! Especially the part where he said the patients/passengers were prone to fantasies and delusions!! "They said what? Of course they're claiming they're not really patients, they're mentally disturbed!!". Great story, but I'm not sure it belongs on the list.

Besides, wasn't the whole "Darwin" part of the awards supposed to be for people who thinned themselves out of the herd by personal stupidity, furthering Darwin's principle of natural selection? I thought they needed to have killed, or at least nearly killed, themselves to get on the list. Still entertaining, regardless!